Too Good to Be True? How to Tell If You’re Dating a Phony
Ever hear the saying, “If it’s too good to be true, it probably is?” Here are all the ways to detect whether you’re dating a phony.
It’s really great meeting someone new and immediately thinking, “They could be the one!” Everything they do seems to be perfect. They check everything off your list! While it may not always be this way, most of the time, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
How can someone be every single thing you desire in a person? Doesn’t it seem coincidental when you just described your perfect life partner to someone, and you soon find out that they have all of those characteristics, down to them even liking flaming hot Cheetos dipped in chocolate pudding *don’t judge*?
Take my ex-boyfriend, for example. Really great guy, super fun to be around, and what do you know? He was exactly all the things I was looking for. I thought I lucked out completely!
He loved fitness, healthy living, knew how to have fun, wanted to move to a warmer climate, and even liked all the same strange foods that I enjoyed. Too good to be true? Well, everything seemed to match up perfectly! Until we were a few months in, that is.
It all falls apart
Everything was going great. He was everything he said he was. But then, slowly, I saw the real him slipping out. The real him as in, he stopped working out *which I like for health reasons—not because I’m super shallow and want my significant other to have a hot bod*.
He ate fast food and junk food almost all of the time, and he talked about moving up north *mind you, I live in a northern region already, accompanied by FREEZING winters*. He seemed to contradict every life goal he had previously told me about.
To make a long story short, he was basically the opposite of anything I wanted, but told me all of that because he wanted me to like him. Ultimately, he was too good to be true, so I had to let him go.
Too good to be true? 7 warning signs to keep an eye on
I mean, sure, someone can possess many qualities you want, but there are usually a few things that don’t get crossed off your list. If someone seems to be ridiculously perfect for you, keep these seven things in mind to weed out the phony liars.
#1 They agree with everything you say. This is number one for a reason. It is the biggest red flag when it comes to dating someone new. Nobody—and I mean NOBODY—is going to agree with every single thing you have an opinion on. “You like your eggs sunny side up with ketchup and a dollop of yogurt, too?!”
No. Nobody likes every weird concoction that you have for breakfast or every strange habit you adopt. If you’re continuously hearing the phrase, “Oh my gosh. Me, too!” Then you have probably found a fake person. They’re simply trying to make you see how much you have in “common” so you like them. Steer clear.
#2 They mention something shortly after you’ve just talked about it. Say you were just telling them the day before about how you wanted to move to Boston to pursue some sort of career, and then the next day *or a few days later, if they’re smart*, acting as if they forgot your previous conversation completely, they talk about how Boston is really cool, and they would totally love living there.
You may not remember having mentioned it to them and suddenly you’re thinking long-term with this person because, hey, you both want to live in the same place! Most likely, this is just them saying what you want to hear to keep you around.
#3 They lie about what they are really doing. Lying in general is a HUGE red flag. If they’re specifically lying about something you recently told them you don’t like in a person—excessive partying, for example—then you should get rid of them.
If you are repeatedly finding out that they are doing things you find unattractive, they’re hiding it because they don’t want you to discover the real them. Because you won’t like them anymore. This shouts PHONY and LIAR like nothing else.
#4 They avoid talking about themselves. When having a conversation with them, look for signs if they’re diverting your questions. If you ask them specific things about their interests, and they try flirting and saying things like, “You first. I want to know what you like,” then you’ve probably got yourself a phony.
Their immediate agreements AFTER you have provided your answer may seem cute, like you have a ton in common. Unfortunately, this is a telltale sign of someone who is too good to be true.
#5 They contradict their previous statements. If, on your first date, you raved about how you could die for some sushi and they immediately agreed that they love it, but then later pass by a sushi joint and say how gross it is, you may have a huge problem on your hands.
This is massive red flag when it comes to dating someone new. How can you even tell who this person is if they repeatedly contradict what you originally thought about them? Now, it may be something harmless like their favorite food, but it can also turn into huge things, like where they want to raise a family.
This causes a lot of issues if you’ve been together for a long time and are thinking about spending the rest of your lives together.
#6 They seem annoyed by your habits. I found this to be especially true if they once said they shared the same interests. One time, I told my significant other how I loved to practice inverted yoga *handstands, headstands, etc.* in the living room. At first, he said he loved it too. I began thinking about how awesome that was, because we could do it together!
Not only did I never once see him do anything remotely like yoga at all—other than him trying to reach the remote from across the couch—but he seemed annoyed when I would practice.
He initially seemed amazing, because we could share interests and passions, but over time, I realized he was not at all interested in the same things I was. Instead, he was irritated by them.
#7 Their actions don’t match up with their words. Someone who agrees you should exercise regularly and eat well to maintain a healthy lifestyle—or something else equally as important to you—but then skips the gym and pigs out on pizza on a regular basis is a warning sign.
They talk big and agree with all the things important to you, but if they fail to follow up with their actions, then you know you’re dating a phony. Don’t let their sly words dig holes in your brain. Pay attention to their habits and the things they do in their everyday lives to find out who they are as a person and what is significant to them.
Although there are plenty of people out there who really do have most things in common and seem perfect for you, there are also phonies out there who just want you to like them or stick around. So is your new squeeze too good to be true? Well, now you know!